I’m questioning my mortality, the fact that i’m alone, never the less inside my own head for my entire life, but that i’m clawing at the parts of me I want to evaporate. The neediness, the vulnerability, the chance of everything and the fact i’m going to be gone some day. What is there to show for it? I’m twenty three years old, I work in a holiday home buy and sell for the past five years and i forget that sometimes i’m loosing my mind over a girl that doesn’t breath the same air I do. I’ve forgotten what salt water tastes like under a tidal wave, what a ocean breeze feels like under my skin. I’m lucky, flying to the mediterranean island for work, ‘Rhodes’ and i’m going to be able yo have the chance to do just that.
The unreasonable thing would not to feel worried about loosing even an inch of Kate’s questionable idea she has of me. But by far, now is the time I get to see if she would learn to love me, in time.
I was ready to leave, until i’d forgotten my passport and my phone. I’m not the one for remembering things like that. As a lanky, clumsy 5’8 guy I just do what I do which is merely make a disaster of myself doing simple everyday things. Like walking. Or breathing. When I found my passport and my uncharged phone off my bed side locker. I looked around my room, gazing at the walls. Covered in my idols like James Joyce, Buckoski, the joker and with that the grey wall that surrounded it all. The carpet was a mistake, I wanted a manly blue, i got a lilac. I still call it blue. I was lucky, but that’s not what I was thinking, what I was thinking of was ‘it’s all good, for now’. I have the perfect plan, and it’s normal in this room. It feels, like the same me. But something in my gut is telling me that this trip is going to change me forever. It will forgive what i’ve always forgotten. lastly, I forgot to pack socks.
I was in the airport and surrounded by a million faces that indeed bothered me so much. they scatter along, live their lives, yet I think one day they might know of me, and I them. Seasonably packed for ones hot trip, to an exotic paradise I could only find two pairs of deceant shorts. I’m more of a jumper type of person really. I seemed as if I looked out of place, as everybody else knew what to wear, how to act and where there going. Yet I know that thought in its self is a complete joke.
I saw kevin, my sales associate and Sean, the mail guy. I was surprised he even got invited. ”Hey, who else is showing up,” I asked, sorta distortedly. ”John, hey, ah- Anna, Kate, Liam, i don’t know who else after that, oh yeah, Riley. That hottie you know the one with the big-” ”I know her, kevin”. Kevin smiled back at me as if I had something in my teeth. It started to rain. ”Cannot wait to get away from this”, Sean muttered shivering in his holiday t shirt. It was pouring heavily down on us like a farewell from the proper english weather, well at least for a week that is. We got inside the airport and waited for the rest to show. It took fifteen minutes for everybody but kate to get inside. Soaked in there holiday get up, like Sean, Kevin and myself. I was beginning for feel agitated, but also relieved in some sick sense.
Then when we were all loosing hope, she rang Anna. She told us kate said to check in, so we did. We waited to board the plane and a voice turned all of our head her way. ”Look at you lot, acting as if this isn’t a blessing or something, what’s up with the grumpy faces?” Kate laughed, ”Hey kate”, Anna smiled. Everyone else said hello, while me, I couldn’t. Air coated my lungs and I couldn’t speak. I clung to Sean for the rest of the way as we boarded the plane. It was flooded by a rake of people in business suits. They looked at us as if we had gone mad. ” I don’t think we dressed right”, Liam said pointing out the obvious. ”No way”, Sean rolled his eyes. ”Play nice”, muttered Riley. ”yeah, listen to her”, Kevin remarked, hissing at Sean and Liam. Riley gave Kevin a look that destroyed him instantly, like a ‘who are you?’ type of smile.
I sat down in my assigned seat, at the window, lucky enough. It was stuffy, we weren’t good enough for first class, we weren’t good enough for a good quality coach either i suppose. Kate made her way down to my line, looked at her ticket and gave me a wide smile. ”Guess your my buddy for the next few hours,”. She sat down close beside me, her arm brushed off mine. ”I heard these movies suck so I brought a portable DVD player, you want to watch Tiffineys with me?” ”Oh and I have spare headphones if you need them”, she fumbled threw her purse. ”Whats that?”, ”Only but that once comment and i would have said it was okay if you said no, your watching the movie.” She shook her head at me. I looked outside the peek hole window. This was going to be a long flight.